10 things I did to protect my peace of mind.

peace of mind

 

We've only got one life to live and once it's done, it's done. However long your time on earth shall last, be sure that you make the most of it. No one can live your life for you. It's yours to live to the fullest. The sooner you've come to realize this the more you'll do everything in your power to ensure that you're living your best life. I've realized that my life is short and there are people and things that I'm never going to allow to shorten my life on earth or destroy my peace of mind. Below are ten things I did to protect my peace of mind. If you should ask me, I have no regrets and I will do them again.

''When you make peace with yourself, you make peace with the world.'' Maha Ghosananda

 

1. Pray more, worry less.

No problem has ever been solved through worrying. You'll have to find one way or another to resolve whatever adversity that you're facing in life. There's a solution to every problem, even if we can't solve them ourselves. Worrying isn't a part of the solution.  It destroys our focus. It increases our stress level! It takes our peace! It completely distorts our thought process and it breeds fear and anxiety. The fear of what will happen next! The fear of I might not get out of this! The fear of this is bigger than me! The fear of there's nothing that I can do to help myself. Worrying darkens our hope of a better future and the fact that nothing is permanent or things can change in a split second,  no matter how dismal it seems. Please understand that worrying will not stop the bills from piling up! Worrying will not stop the landlord from coming for the rent that you're behind on! Worrying will not feed or clothe your family! Worrying will not stop your relationships from failing! Worrying will not stop your boss from laying you off! Worrying will not change the sickness that you are diagnosed with, etc, because worrying does nothing to help any of us!  Prayer brings peace! It may not take all the problems away but it allows us to base our faith in a higher power that can make a way for every difficulty that we encounter in life, and even if there's no immediate answer for whatever we might be going through. Things won't appear as bad as they seem, because we'll have an understanding that life has its challenges and we aren't exempt from them! That's why I pray more and worry less!


2. Stop trying to change people

It's not our responsibility to change anyone. We aren't God. People have to make the necessary changes within themselves. Stop trying to fix people! Stop raising your pressure on grown people who aren't doing what they know that they are supposed to, you'll go nuts. You can't fix them! You can't change anything about them unless they want to! I remember my ex-partner had told me that his other partners had no issue with his messiness as if I was supposed to play along and be okay with it. I wasn't prepared to be telling a grown man to clean up after himself every day. He wasn't my child and I wasn't his maid!  Don't ever feel as though it's your responsibility to correct the issues in people's lives. They need to work on themselves! That's not your job! If they cared anything about your feelings they will take the necessary steps to do better. You've got to learn to let go of things that you can't control. It's okay to want the best for people. It's okay to mean them well. Nothing is wrong with being there for them, but it shouldn't be at the cost of your peace of mind.


3. Avoid  the company of gossipers

Anyone who's always coming to you with other people's business will eventually take your business to someone else. I don't keep company with gossipers. I don't need to hear any dirt on anyone. How will this knowledge profit me? How will it make my life better? Why is it that  I need to know?  I have enough of my issues that need working on. I don't need to add unnecessary drama to my life. If it's not empowering and uplifting then I don't need to hear it, I have no use for it. I  don't need anyone filling me in with other people's drama. Neither do I need anyone around me who's always badmouthing others because they'll do the same to me. I  have no vacancy in my mental space for drama. I have more important things in my life that I need to devote my time to. 


4.Complain less, express more gratitude

I read a quote from Fyodor Dostoyevsky that says, "Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn't calculate his happiness." I couldn't agree more with this quote.  There are many times when we tend to focus all our attention on what we don't have, that we forget how much we have been blessed with. Life itself is a blessing. If not our greatest blessing! Without life, we are absolutely nothing. The dead can do nothing. If you live your life with an attitude of gratitude. You'll always be contented with what you have! I'm thankful each day for the breath in my body. It's an opportunity to make a difference! It's an opportunity to do something great! It's an opportunity to do better than I did yesterday! If I have a little or a lot I'm thankful because many are without anything!


5. Avoid people who reduce your self-worth

You don't need to hang out with anyone who refuses to see your true worth. It doesn't matter if they are friends or family. You don't need to be spending time with people who aren't doing anything to improve themselves, you'll become like them. You don't need to be spending time with anyone who's constantly reminding you that you can become no better than your present state because of your past failures. Anyone who has a problem with you improving your life. With you wanting better for yourself, doesn't need to be in your life! You need to cut them off because they are reducing your worth. If you've been working your fingers to the bone and your boss keeps overlooking you for a promotion, then you need to leave that job, and seek better for yourself. You'll die there in that position that you're currently in! If you've been wanting to pursue your dreams and your family and friends aren't supporting you, then you need to move forward without their help. Anyone who has a problem with you becoming the best version of yourself is of no use to you!


6. Stop telling people your plans.

Sometimes you must keep the good news to yourself. You don't need to update your status! You don't need to post it all over social media. Not everyone is happy for you. Not everyone can handle the rate at which you're progressing. Not everyone wants to see you become successful. It's funny how the same people who saw you in your suffering, would want to see you remain there. It's funny how they don't talk about your sleepless nights, the days you went without food, the times your cried, all the hardships you've endured to be at the place that you're at now. It's funny how they have a problem now that you're at a better place. You've got to understand that the spirit of envy is real and some people will use every opportunity to keep you down. Stop publicizing your dreams! Work in silence, let your success make the noise!


7. Acknowledge your faults but don't accept responsibility for anything you didn't do

You should never accept responsibility for something that you didn't do. Unless of course, you contributed to what happened and you need to make amends. If you didn't do anything, you must free yourself of the shame and guilt. If you allow people to throw their faults at you before long you’ll start accepting guilt for something that has nothing to do with you. I remember my aunt had said to my mother that their lives would have been better if they didn't have children. She blamed us for them not having a better life. For years I carried that burden, but the more I grew wiser, I realized that it wasn't our fault. It was their choice to have children and it was their responsibility to take care of their children. They refused to acknowledge their faults and transferred the blame to us. You should never allow yourself to become a receptacle for other people's faults. You must allow people to take responsibility for their actions and face the consequences that come with them. Stop walking around with their shame and guilt. It's their cross to bear, not yours.


8. Don't allow anyone to chain you to your past.

Whatever happened in your past is already done. You can't go back there to change anything. You have to learn how to heal and move on from there. Don't allow anyone to hold you hostage with your past, they'll never set you free. There isn't anyone on earth who's without a fault. Everyone makes mistakes, from which they can learn, grow and become a better person. If you continue to live in your past you'll never enjoy your future. Yes, there are things I wished that I didn't do, but how would I have learned if it weren't for them.  I'm so glad that my past is only a reminder of whom I used to be and not who I am now. 


9. Celebrate the victory of others.

Be genuinely happy for others, it's really good for your heart. Speak well about others, whether or not you know them. Believe me, you'll experience a sense of joy and peace within your soul. You'll find yourself attracting blessings within your life, from the positive energy that you're emitting.  When others are doing well, don't hold back! Celebrate their victories with them. Don't be afraid to congratulate them because your time will come too! Hate is too much of a burden to bear. Envy will sever your peace. 


10. Stand behind your choices


It's your life to live, don't allow anyone to tell you what they think is best for you. While nothing is wrong with them wanting you to do your best. You should know exactly what you want to do with your life.  Many people are trying to correct their failures and missed opportunities in the lives of others. It doesn't mean that because your mother or father missed the opportunity of becoming a doctor or whomever, you should become that to fulfill their wishes. Even though, you have no interest in the field of their choice. Stand behind your dreams. Go in search of your true calling, not what others think is your best fit. Have a mind for yourself. At the end of the day, you're the one who's going to be left with the choices that have been made. At least have a say in what makes you happy.


In closing, there isn't anything worth sacrificing your peace of mind for. Life is too short to live every day in misery. Love, forgive, be happy,  live within your means. Don't allow anyone or anything to destroy your peace. Live the life that you deserve, however long it shall last.  


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Annette Kinglock-Murray

Author, Poet, Blogger.

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