3 lessons I've learned from rejection.


How to handle rejection.



Every one of us at some point in our lifetime has dealt with rejection or will experience rejection. I've experienced rejection at different ages and stages of my life, some were easy to maneuver, but others took a toll on my mental health. A rejection could be a promotion that you were overlooked for. A job offer that you were turned down on. A crush who doesn't feel the same way that you do. A business or marriage proposal that got denied. A relationship that you've always wanted with your parents, but couldn't have. A lifestyle change, etc. Rejection can cause deep emotional hurt to the person who feels rejected. It can lower their self-esteem, make them withdrawn, depressed, or worst case scenario they can become violent. 


Growing up, we weren't taught how to handle rejection. This wasn't something that was taught to us at home or school. I can't recall any instance where my parents or teachers from infant through high school spoke about the matter of rejection. We knew exactly what the feeling was, but we didn't know how to handle it. For me, I would either cry, replay the situation in my head, or just allow myself to experience a prolonged period of sadness. I did this for years, but it didn't work.


Not knowing how to process rejection has caused me to feel unloved, unworthy, unwanted, and bitter. All these feelings severely affected my self-worth. Feeling constantly rejected will make you think that, something is wrong with you. You're not good enough, and you're not deserving of whatever it is that you're seeking after. The hardest part about not knowing how to handle rejection is; you can become confined to these negative thoughts, and they can seriously impact your adult life. 


 Self-discovery and my Christian faith have allowed me to overcome the majority of the negative feelings brought on by rejection in my adult life. Each of us needs to know our true worth. When you know your true worth, there isn't anyone who can convince you otherwise. The foundation of my self-discovery was birthed from a series of events that I had to overcome in my adult life: betrayal, heartbreak, and emotional trauma. 


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During these difficult moments, it felt as though all hope was lost.  It was hard! Not physically but mentally. There were times when I wish I could trade the emotional pain for a physical wound. At least a pain killer would suppress the pain. Mentally, I had to keep picking myself up and dusting myself off. These events formed the nucleus of the resilience I have today.  “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” Bob Marley 


 Below I'll share three important lessons that I've learned from rejection.


1.  Don't be too sure about anything.

I remember an internal interview that I had done. It was by far one of the best interviews  I've ever done. There wasn't an ounce of uncertainty within my mind that I wouldn't be selected for the post. I waited for a few months to hear back about the offer. The day finally came when I received an email informing me that I was unsuccessful. 


I was so broken from the contents of the email, I could hardly believe my eyes. The hurt I felt from that interview made me realize how much we sometimes create our fairytale world without ever thinking about the possibility that things may work out differently. That interview was an eye-opener for me. Nothing in life is ever certain. Sometimes not even our best is good enough!


2. Your destiny isn't sealed in rejection.

There are many times when God has bigger plans for our lives. A disappointment is sometimes His way of telling us that He has something better in store for us. A rejection does not mean that you're not good enough, or you're not deserving of that which you desire. People will see no further than they allow themselves to. Don't feel as though you're not good enough when you are rejected by your family, friends, work, etc. 

Not everyone possesses the ability to see your true worth. That's not your fault. Keep working on yourself.  Too often we try to prove ourselves to people who had no faith in us from the get-go. When you know what you're truly worth you don't need to convince anyone, you show them. Your destiny is not sealed in a rejection. It's only a roadblock, not the end of your life. Keep your head up and get on with your life.

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3. Don't live your life off the validation of others.

Rejection can occur at any age or stage in life. Both the rich and poor have experienced rejection of some sort. Many people thrive on the validation of others. They'll do anything to earn the approval of others. Their entire life is centered on how others feel about them.


You can't force anyone to love you if they don't. Sad to say, loved ones included. You can't change how someone thinks about you. People will always see you through their perspective.  You can't make people say good things about you all the time. Some will love you, others won't. Don't try to be a people pleaser, you'll never win. 


A rejection isn't always about you. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you not being good enough, or your race, color, class, or creed. Yes, your feelings will get hurt, and you will experience those negative emotions brought on by rejection.  Remember, people have insecurities that they contend with. Sometimes it's easier to pass those negative feelings on to others rather than facing them. If you're feeling rejected. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough. To the right person, you'll always be good enough, but the wrong person will never see your true worth.

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Take away.

  • Your destiny is never sealed in a rejection.
  • You can't control what people will think or say about you. Don't live your life off other people's validation.
  •  Self-discovery is one of the most important journeys that you could ever take in life. 

How do you handle rejection? Share your thoughts in the comments.


Photo by Kat Smith from Pexels


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