How do I know if I'm being used?
"Some people will only love you as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends where the benefits stop."
“When you’re nothing, people will ignore you but when you’re on top that’s when everybody swears they know you.” — Lincey Alphonse
“It’s breaking my heart the way this world is so mean to people with pure intentions and soft hearts. With time I’ve seen much cruelty towards good people that instead of being cherished, they are actually being used.” –Samiha Totanji
Have you been thinking lately that someone might be using you? They could be! Maybe it's your partner, sibling, colleague, friend, boss, etc. Some people know no limit to the generosity you offer and they aren't afraid to exploit you to get whatever they need. They're always in for the taking!
While there isn't anything wrong with helping others. Something is wrong when we feel as if we're being used. You may feel as though you are being used by those around you, but you aren't too sure. Or someone has been telling you that you're being used by a particular person and you should sever ties with them. Whatever your reasons are; today, I want to share with you 13 signs that will help you to figure out whether your meekness is being taken for weakness.
How can you tell if someone is using you?
1. They're always in need of something from you.
It could be your time, clothes, money, etc. They're always requesting something from you. For some reason, you seem to be the first and only person on their list. It's more of a wherever, whenever type of situation. These people don't take no for an answer, and they don't respect your boundaries. There's also this deep sense of you owe them something!
2. They don't follow through on their promises.
They're always making promises but never staying true to their commitments. They find it easy to blow them off with excuses and promises that they will make it up to you, but they don't! There's little to no accountability on their part, and you find it hard to take anything they say seriously.
3. Their needs are always urgent.
There's always this strict sense of urgency, and it doesn't matter if you have other important things to do. They just don't care to understand or cut you some slack. Their needs are always a priority that demands your attention NOW. It doesn't matter if you're tired, or unavailable for other reasons.
4 . There's always an excuse why they can't reciprocate.
You would bend over backward to get anything done for them. Whether it's getting something done at the last minute, pulling a few strings, doing some errands, or going above and beyond. Surprisingly, they'll never do the same for you because they're never short of excuses as to why they can't reciprocate. They're either reluctant, uninterested, or conveniently busy. Your needs aren't a priority for them.
5. They trifle with your feelings.
You don't seem to matter to them at all, and it doesn't matter how much you wear your emotions out loud. They rarely ask how you're doing, and they show little to no appreciation for what you have been doing for them. It's never a big deal! You feel treated like an object. For the most part, they're emotionally unattached and unavailable. Your feelings aren't a concern for them.
6. They act entitled.
They show no respect for your boundaries. They act as if they don't apply to them because of the relationship that they have with you. They believe that they're allowed to do whatever they want when it comes on to you. They feel as if you owe them something and there should be no limitations between you and them.
7. They try to guilt-trip you if you deny their requests.
You automatically become the worst person in the world the moment you're not able to do something for them. You're not allowed to say, No. Everything else that you've done is irrelevant. They completely forget all those times you've paused everything else to accommodate them.
They try to use deceptive tactics to make you feel bad for saying no, and they try hard to sink their self-pity beneath your skin, so you can feel awful about it. Their ultimate goal is for you to feel terrible about yourself and honor their request.
8. You mostly hear from them when they need something from you.
The moment you see your phone screen lighting up. Your first thought is, what is it that they need now, and you're almost always right, because that's the most time you hear from them, and they're usually super nice; when they're needing something from you.
9. They don't return anything they borrow.
There's hardly any luck in getting them to return borrowed items, and even if they do, they're either partially damaged or no longer of any good use. There's never any consideration on their part that you might need the item that they borrowed, or the item means a lot to you and they should at least try to handle it with care.
10. Your needs are never a priority.
You rarely get them to do anything for you, and even if they do it's done half-heartedly and not to your liking. There's never a sense of pride, or effort in anything that they do for you. For the most part, it's haphazard, and too much of a burden for them. You always seem to be bothering them when it is your turn to request a favor.
11. They're stingy.
It's all fine when you're the one who's doing all the spending or footing the majority of the responsibility. It suddenly becomes a chore when it's their turn to give you the red carpet treatment. They either find an excuse or take the cheap way out. They expect only the best from you, but they always opt for mediocrity when it's their turn to gift you something.
12. They have ridiculous demands.
They're always asking you to do things that they'll never do themselves. Their demands are sometimes ridiculous and outside of your comfort zone. They'll try to make you believe that if you honor their requests, they'll grant you a huge favor, but it's often not the case. It's always one-sided.
13. They try to dull your shine.
Some people want you to do well, but not better than them. The world is filled with dream killers, including family and friends. They only want the spotlight on themselves and will do anything to stifle your true potential.
They'll use you to get to the top, then look down on you. They don't envy your struggles. They don't envy your pain. They don't envy your sweat and labor. They don't envy those lonely nights; when you cried yourself to sleep.
They don't envy all those times when you had to keep pushing yourself forward. When God begins to turn your circumstances around. There are many who'll envy your breakthrough. They'll want you to dim your light! Never dull your shine to please anyone. If God's blessing is shining too bright in your life. Let them put on some shades.
Never trust someone that has let you down more than two times. Once was a warning, twice was a lesson, and anything more than that is simply just taking advantage. – Unknown
Why do people use people?
Naturally, some people are givers. Their intentions are pure. They enjoy helping others and they'll do anything to make others happy. There's no limitation to their giving. Sadly, not many people take kindly to their generosity. Instead, they try to manipulate or use them to their advantage. There are numerous reasons why people use others. These include selfishness, the want for power or control, and greed.
“If nature has made you for a giver, your hands are born open, and so is your heart; and though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full, and you can give things out of that—warm things, kind things, sweet things—help and comfort and laughter—and sometimes gay, kind laughter is the best help of all.”―
“The world has takers and givers, the moment you decide to be a taker you will always be in want, scarcity, and on a downward spiral. Givers are always watered and never wither even in the dry season.”
What to do when you're feeling used?
Take a few steps back. Pay attention to see if they've noticed that you've taken some steps back. Watch to see if they will try to meet you halfway, or just move on to someone else. If they've noticed that you've taken a few steps back and begin questioning your motives, let them know exactly why you've done so and the way forward. If they care about you they will look within themselves and make the effort to not misuse you again. If they show no interest or concern about how you feel, focus on yourself and leave them alone.
Stop letting people use you quotes:
“As you go about your daily life, you will encounter many lemons. Sour expressions, sour attitudes, sour auras! The good thing is that if you don't want to be a lemon, you don't have to be! Just don't let those lemons rub themselves all over you! And you don't even have to save them! Let lemons be lemons! One of the most important things that I have ever learned is that I don't have to save people.”
“All people have feelings, they are not there to be used. If you’re not longer interested in someone, they have the right to be informed before you go and cheat or go looking elsewhere.”- Jerry Springer
“Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.”- Bill Cosby
“You don’t need to know every detail, but you should know the basics. There are so many people who get taken advantage of.”- Tony A. Gaskins
“Don’t use men to get what you want in life. Get it yourself.”- Helen Gurley Brown
Be a Good Samaritan and not a good doormat.
“I have learned that people at the bottom use others’ bodies to climb to the top.”- Mandla Langa
You are still a good person when you say ‘No’
“What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.”- Zelda Fitzgerald
You are always taken for granted because you give the permission to do so.
They wanna see you do good, but never better than them.
“If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account.” – Christie Williams
“The right one does not
stand in your way
they make space for you
to step forward”
― Rupi Kaur
salt for sugar
if he wants to
be with you
it’s that simple”
― Rupi Kaur
Good people are like good books; they get used and tossed around.
It’s better to be loved and needed than to be used and wanted.
“People say things
meant to rip you in half
but you hold the power to not
turn their words into a knife
and cut yourself”
― Rupi Kaur,
when it is wanted
and when it comes
it is neither wanted
-you are too late”
― Rupi Kaur
“I don’t let people use me. That’s why I like a small number of people in my life. The more people in my life, the more complex it becomes, so I just try to keep it at a minimum.”- Anita Baker
The worst feeling is when you build up someone while that someone is knocking you down.
“I didn't leave because
I stopped loving you,
I left because the longer
I stayed the less I loved myself.”
― Rupi Kaur
“Do not look for healing
at the feet of those
who broke you”
― Rupi Kaur
Some friends choose to hang out with you because you make them feel better about themselves.
“People know who they can walk over and who they can’t. If someone is walking all over you it’s because they know you’ll put up with it.” – Sonya Parker
“With all the toys in the world people choose feelings to play with.” – Tyga
“The more you are at everyone else’s disposal, the more you will feel like garbage.” – Christine E. Szymanski
“I’ve worked too hard and built too much to be taken advantage of. I know my worth and what I bring to the table.” – Tony A. Gaskins
“It’s when you get complacent that you get taken advantage of.” – Tony A. Gaskins
“If you were born with the weakness to fall you were born with the strength to rise”
― Rupi Kaur
“How you love yourself is
how you teach others
to love you”
― Rupi Kaur
“The world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it
- there is nothing purer than that”
― Rupi Kaur
“Stop being used, start being seen.” — Wole Olorunfemi
“The only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs.” –Shannon L. Alder
Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness. Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Dalai Lama
People just take your kindness for weakness sometimes, and that's just the bottom line. Ruben Studdard
If someone mistakes your kindness for weakness, that's their fault - not yours. And it's OK to be a decent human being in this life. Jeremy Piven
Some people are always in for the taking. If you believe that someone is using you, or someone else is telling you that you're being used. It's something that you should look at. Don't allow anyone to abuse your generosity.
Takers wonder why it's so easy for some to give, and givers wonder why they never encounter anyone who wants to give to them.