What do you say to your spouse when you're mad?


What do you say to your spouse when you're mad?

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
― Ambrose Bierce

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
― Buddha

“Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it...Don't allow his anger to become your anger.”
― Bohdi Sanders

“The best fighter is never angry.”
― Lao Tzu

Key points:

  • No relationship is a perfect ten.
  • Attack the problem, not each other.
  • Acknowledge that both of you are imperfect, and you'll make mistakes. 

Have you ever been mad at your spouse, it made you wonder if they're the same person that made you elated moments ago?  No relationship is a perfect ten. Don't be fooled by the affection that you see some people displaying in public and on social media. There's no perfection when it comes on to dealing with humans. It's even harder when you share spaces with them. People work on what they have to keep it together. 

We are all imperfect, and these imperfections don't exclude our relationships. This means the same person who you told that you love them to the moon and back, will also cause you to become furious with them sometimes. Today,  I want to share with you three helpful tips to control your anger when you're mad at your spouse.

1. Get your facts straight.

Don't just launch accusations at your spouse. Arm yourself with the correct information. When you do, wait for a time when you don't have to be screaming at the top of your lungs to express your feelings. I know it can be hard to resist the urge to lash out and silence the little voice in your head when you're angry, but it's something you must learn to do. Try to have a mature conversation, not a war of words. Your spouse won't hear you when you're screaming like crazy, and they might end up walking out on you, or worse your anger might escalate to where you don't want it to go.

2. Think about what you're about to say.

Do you truly want to say what you have to say to your spouse? Or is it a defense mechanism to show them that what they can do — you can do it better? Tit for tat kind of thing. Try not to intentionally hurt your spouse with your words. A disagreement isn't the opportune time to rub their flaws in their face.  I hate your cooking. I hate the way you dress. You're so bad at lovemaking 🙄 etc. You'll give them the impression that all this time you were only pretending, and what you said to them; you wanted to say it a long time ago.

  Consider the impact that your words could have on your spouse. You can't take them back, and an apology no matter how sincere you are doesn't always make up for the damages. Your anger toward them may cease over time, but your words can create damages for a lifetime. Is this something that you'd want? Think before you speak, if you're tempted to say something bad to boost your ego, take some time to cool off.

3. Be silent for a bit.

“The greatest remedy for anger is a delay.”
― Thomas Paine

A meaningful silence is better than meaningless words. I'm not saying that you should give your partner the silent treatment. I'm saying, don't launch a verbal attack or pick a fight the moment they walk through the door. There are silent cues that people can read, and if you've been with your spouse long enough, they'll know when you're mad at them.

 This is the same person that you made love with. This is the same person that you prayed to spend the rest of your life with. This is the same person who gave you butterflies in your stomach. Don't allow anger to overshadow all the good traits that you once saw in your spouse. Being silent doesn't mean that you're pretending that nothing happened. Eventually, you'll have to confront the issue, but instead of attacking each other, attack the problem together. 

Take away: 

There will be times when your spouse will make you mad. They'll make you wonder what the heck is going on? Remember, no relationship is perfect, and the person that you're dealing with is imperfect like yourself. It takes two to make a quarrel. Speaking angrily to your spouse will cause you to say and do things that might cost your relationship. Think before you speak. If you're tempted to say something to boost your ego, don't say it. In the end, your anger will go away, but your words can create wounds that may never heal.

“Sacrifice your ego for inner peace.”― Shunya

“If you are upset by someone's behavior, this only means that you have to work on yourself before you try to correct the other person.”
― Sukant Ratnakar

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