3 things that can help us to achieve self-love.

 

Achieving self love

                                                                       


Many have confused selfishness with self-love. While selfishness is caring only for thyself. Self-love isn't just caring about ourselves and our needs. It allows others to experience the best of us. When we give the best to ourselves. We give the best of ourselves! This means that whoever we come in contact with they'll partake of our very best. When we have an understanding of what it means to love, value, and appreciate ourselves. We'll pass that same energy to those with whom we come to encounter. When we learn to love all our imperfections. It's easier to not judge people but embrace them in the way we'd want them to embrace us. That's why  Jesus said we should love our neighbors as ourselves. It's simple, what you wouldn't want anyone to do to you, don't do it to them. Don't hurt them. Don't lie to them. Don't break their trust. Don't use them. Just love them as yourself. Unfortunately, we can never give love if we haven't experienced it for ourselves? It's like trying to pour water from an empty vessel.  That's where the issue is with many of us because we haven't experienced real love and acceptance from within ourselves we tend to look for it in people and things. We want them to make us feel special. We want them to love us all entirely. We want them to make us happy. We want them to accept us as we are. But oftentimes what we had in mind isn't what we get and we end up feeling mistreated. This creates all kinds of insecurities within us. There are so many of us who feel empty and broken because we've never had loving parents. We've never had a loving partner. We've never had a loving friend, etc and we go throughout life with a desire for this void to be filled. Why self-love is important? Self-love allows us to be vulnerable and unafraid to reach out for help. Self-love isn't just important, it's essential. ... When we love ourselves, we can set healthy boundaries and make healthy choices for ourselves. The way we feel about ourselves affects every interaction we have and every decision we make. https://upjourney.com/why-is-self-love-important  Below I'll share three things that have helped me to achieve self-love.


''If you know your true worth, you do not need anyone else to confirm it.'' Alan Cohen Click To Tweet


1. Break the chains of comparison.


What if we had nothing to compare ourselves to? What would we say about ourselves? So often we get spun into the web of comparison. Our parents compare us with our siblings. Our bosses compare us with our co-workers. We are compared at school, at church, on social media, just about anywhere. It's as if the cycle of comparison will never end. For as long as we choose to compare ourselves with someone else. There will always be someone greater or lesser than ourselves. Someone's going to look younger. Someone is going to be richer. Someone is going to be in the spotlight. Someone will appear far worse than us. Someone will appear to have all we think that we are missing.  Comparison breeds ego, envy, hatred, and jealously. If we believe that we are in a better position than someone else we may feel as though they are beneath us. The reverse is also true. If we feel that someone else is above our level, it will stir up a spirit of envy within us because we'll feel inferior to them. To break the chains of comparison: We must accept our unique abilities, talents,  skills, ambitions, dreams, imperfections, etc because we can only be ourselves. It doesn't matter who we choose to compare ourselves with, or who chooses to compare us with someone else. There will only be one of us in this world. It doesn't matter our race, color, class, or creed. Are the hands better than the feet? Is the brain better than the heart? Are the eyes better than the mouth? No! Each serves a distinct purpose. We are no different, that's why we should never reduce ourselves to anything less than special. “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”Lao Tzu

''Respect your uniqueness, and drop comparison. Relax into your being.'' Osho


2. We didn't just happen. We were chosen.

Research says a healthy adult male can release between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation. Take a breather! This is some heavy stuff here. God chose you Himself. You have every right to be here. Even the darkness is not dark to You, but the night shines like the day, for darkness is as light to You. For You formed my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139. God is saying that you are a work of art. A masterpiece of His handiwork. He's saying that you were custom built. He formed you. He knitted you into your mother's womb. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. You should never envision yourself as being anything less than an original. You're not a carbon copy. You're not an accident.  You're not a mistake. You are not here by chance. You were specifically chosen from millions of sperms to be here. You have every right to be existing on earth at this particular time in history. ''Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life.'' Fred Rogers


3. Know who you are.

''The world will never value you more than you value yourself.'' Bill Masur, Who are you? Do you know who you are? When you look in the mirror, who is it that you see? Who do you call that person?  You are more than just an average human being with a heart beating in your chest and blood running through your veins. What is it that makes you different from the rest of us? What is it that makes you so rare? What is your name? Until you can answer these questions about yourself. Until you know who you are? You'll accept whatever identity society attaches to you. No one was born a thief, rapist, or murderer. They were called that based on their actions! Sometimes when we would have paid for our mistakes. Society will still attach derogatory names to us from our past actions. If you don't know your name; you'll answer to whatever name society refers to you by. A fable is told about an eagle that thought he was a chicken. When the eagle was very small, he fell from the safety of his nest. A chicken farmer found the eagle, brought him to the farm, and raised him in a chicken coop among his many chickens. The eagle grew up doing what chickens do, living like a chicken, and believing he was a chicken. A naturalist came to the chicken farm to see if what he had heard about an eagle acting like a chicken was true. He knew that an eagle is the king of the sky. He was surprised to see the eagle strutting around the chicken coop, pecking at the ground, and acting very much like a chicken. 


The farmer explained to the naturalist that this bird was no longer an eagle. He was now a chicken because he had been trained to be a chicken and he believed that he was a chicken. The naturalist knew there was more to this great bird than his actions showed as he “pretended” to be a chicken. He was born an eagle and had the heart of an eagle, and nothing could change that. The man lifted the eagle onto the fence surrounding the chicken coop and said, “Eagle, thou art an eagle. Stretch forth thy wings and fly.” The eagle moved slightly, only to look at the man; then he glanced down at his home among the chickens in the chicken coop where he was comfortable. He jumped off the fence and continued doing what chickens do. 


The farmer was satisfied. “I told you it was a chicken,” he said. The naturalist returned the next day and tried again to convince the farmer and the eagle that the eagle was born for something greater. He took the eagle to the top of the farmhouse and spoke to him: “Eagle, thou art an eagle. Thou dost belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth thy wings and fly.” The large bird looked at the man, then again down into the chicken coop. He jumped from the man’s arm onto the roof of the farmhouse. Knowing what eagles are about, the naturalist asked the farmer to let him try one more time. He would return the next day and prove that this bird was an eagle. The farmer convinced otherwise, said, “It is a chicken.” The naturalist returned the next morning to the chicken farm and took the eagle and the farmer some distance away to the foot of a high mountain. They could not see the farm nor the chicken coop from this new setting. 


The man held the eagle on his arm and pointed high into the sky where the bright sun was beckoning above. He spoke: “Eagle, thou art an eagle! Thou dost belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth thy wings and fly.” This time the eagle stared skyward into the bright sun, straightened his large body, and stretched his massive wings. His wings moved, slowly at first, then surely and powerfully. With the mighty screech of an eagle, he flew.  source http://www.greatexpectations.org/wp-content/uploads/pdf/exp4/FableoftheEagleandtheChicken.pdf. The eagle had lived all its life believing that it was a chicken because neither the eagle nor the farmer knew what it was. Like the eagle, if you don't know who you are you'll live all your life in an identity that isn't yours. ''Your sense of self-worth comes from you alone – never the opinion of others.'' Robert Greene 

In closing, I hope that you'll love and embrace yourself in all the ways that you're expecting someone else to love you. Stop looking for validation in people and things. Take great care of yourself!  Remember, self-care isn't selfish! I pray that you'll experience the purest form of self-love. May the rest of your life be the best of your life.

See other posts on this blog:

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10 things that have helped to grow my self-confidence.

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